Happy mother's day
Thoughts from one mom who joined the party late, and from the side entrance.
I had always wanted to be a mom. When I was in my 20s, I used to tell everybody that I was going to have four or five kids, or whatever number seemed outrageously high to the listener.
So it was a bit of a surprise that I made it all the way through my child bearing years with zero.
When I finally got married I was in the waning years of childbearing potential. We had talked about adopting. In fact I had thought of adopting even before I got married. (Although I’m glad I didn’t do it. I wasn’t cut out to be a single parent.)
We did more than talk about adopting. We took classes (the same type I had taken a few years earlier to pursue single parenting), did a home study, read books, and talked to lots of people who had adopted.
In the end, we decided that the path wasn’t for us. We were old (we thought) and afraid of what kinds of issues the kids might have (like biological parents have it easy, ha ha). Perhaps we were already set in our ways, even though we really weren’t that old. I think basically we were selfish.
When my niece got pregnant 6 years ago, after we had fully closed the door on adoption, we wondered if she was going to be able to manage the child (she had her own healing issues). And one of our first thoughts was that if she couldn’t, somebody would need to step in. Instantly we knew we would be willing.
She gave birth to a wonderful baby boy just over five years ago. After, she tried to parent him for a full year. Unfortunately, she wasn’t up for the challenge so we stepped in, and she signed him under our care.
From that day forward we’ve had this wonderful boy in our lives who currently calls me mom and my husband dad, not because we’ve asked him to but because he decided to.
We are not technically his parents and can’t be unless our niece was to fully surrender her parental rights, which is not something she’s willing to do. However, in our hearts, and clearly now in his too, we are his parents.
He goes to a wonderful little preschool where he made me a Mother’s Day card and a little gift this year. The gift was sweet but the card was so incredibly special it made me cry tears full of all the joy and the years of regret mixed together. He looked at me as I cried and I told him sometimes moms cry when they’re happy.
He beamed as he showed me each page and made sure I read every word. He even wrote “I love you.” He’s not yet very interested in writing, so I know the effort that went into his writing that. And I knew he would never write anything he didn’t want to.
Nearly everything else he wrote showed me how he sees me and really touched me. He wrote that my favorite color is green (in fact green is his favorite color). He wrote that I’m 99 inches tall and very long. He wrote that I’m 15 years old, which is my favorite.
And he wrote that he loves best when I tickle him. In fact, he hates being tickled. But every day at nap time (and yes he does still take a nap, praise the Lord) I rock and twirl him and “throw” him into bed. Then I tell him if he doesn’t have the covers on him I’m going to tickle his toes. I rarely tickle. He always laughs.
That’s what he loves. The sweetness of routine. Of knowing he is loved and secure. And I love it too. I love that he has noticed it.
I didn’t know how wonderful it could be to be a mom until I became one, even a nontraditional one. I am so grateful for this opportunity. I know he’s just on loan to me and it may not last my whole life time but I’m so grateful for all of the time I have with him.
So happy mother’s day to all of you women out there. Those who were moms by choice or accident. Those who have only mothered other women’s children, or only tummy mommied, or are the best aunt a mother could have. I am grateful to be a part of your ranks.
Beautiful. ❤️
Always knew you’d be a great mom!